a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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