Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
