good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
there was a trapeze. enough said
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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