people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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