I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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