Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
