I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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