Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You are a genius and a whore.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
