she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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