i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
