Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
