just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
your parents love me but you hate me
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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