apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Randomize
