she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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