FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
