i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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