I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
