dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
