just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize
