And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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