I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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