I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
