how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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