oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
