You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
