Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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