Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my sisters under your porch take her home
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
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just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
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