I think my vagina is haunted
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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