Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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