Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
