I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
