i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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