I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well I just put wine in my tea
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
