What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
