on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
