My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
