is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just gargled with NyQuil
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
