Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
