p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
