I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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