Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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