Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
