Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
