I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
