We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
