dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
