meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
As shirtless as possible
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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