your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
