he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
