My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
