I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
