Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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