we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she smelled like a LAN party
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
