Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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