They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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