just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
