barbara walters just said penis...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
