his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
