My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
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I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
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The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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