And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
