My nipple is on Facebook.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Mom said you looked used
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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