we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
