If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
