it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
