Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
