meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
