I want to have your abortion
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
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Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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