running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
