i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
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I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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