I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
