And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
