hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
