piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
They took my balls.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
