He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
