capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
